So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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