The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
