i jhust puked up my retainher.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
