god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
