And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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