just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize