Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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