So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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