If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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