put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
