he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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