I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
