i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
