Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
