PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
