my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
