as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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