why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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