Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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