Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
