Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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