Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
