the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
