It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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