Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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