TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
