I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The power of my boobs compel you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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