did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My ass is underappreciated
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
