how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
