Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
