So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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