So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
