So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
