SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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