I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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