i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
