don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
