any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
