How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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