Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
