I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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