I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think my fart just growled at me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
