he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
