i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
