How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
