whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
