please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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