then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
