I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
