You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
