WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
