so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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