Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
