I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
