I didn't shave. On purpose
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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