Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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