i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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