I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
