i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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