Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Randomize
