THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
