How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh god it's open bar.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
