Are we in a gay sports bar?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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