this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
