Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
