Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
