good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
