so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Welp...herpes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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