he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
