So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
