Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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